For me, breastfeeding was one of the most difficult, rewarding experiences I have ever had (probably second to childbirth). It was one giant emotional roller coaster filled with ultimate highs and terrible lows. Prior to Joanna's birth, I met with a lactation consultant and she went over all of the basics about breastfeeding. Most of it flew way over my head but one thing she said stuck with me and is the sole reason that I kept working at it. She told me that breastfeeding is 90% mental. Yes, there are a small handful of people who's bodies just won't cooperate but most problems you come across with breastfeeding can be fixed if you are willing to really work at it. I knew the benefits of breastfeeding and I knew this was something I wanted to do for my daughter so right then and there, I decided I would do whatever I needed to do in order to make it work. And despite the several difficult obstacles I faced, I just kept on trucking along and ended up breastfeeding for 15 months! Here's my story.
Joanna and I struggled with breast feeding from day one. The first issue we faced was difficulty latching. Joanna had such a tiny little mouth and could not seem to figure out how to open her mouth wide enough to latch on. After losing more than 10% of her birth weight while we were in the hospital, we were introduced to the nipple shield before we left. The shield worked really well for us and she got better at nursing but then we had to start weaning from the shield which was when we really struggled. It took about 6 weeks to wean from the shield. I would try starting every feeding without it and she could never get the latch. Not only was she struggling with the latch but she was getting so frustrated with not being able to get her milk and she would cry and scream at the top of her lungs. Day in and day out I continued to try without the shield at every feeding. We were seeing a lactation consultant frequently and she continued to try new techniques to help my baby to figure out the latch. Finally, after about 6 weeks of attempting to wean from the nipple shield, something just clicked for her and she latched right on! From that point on, she had the latch down and it was never an issue again! The latch, that is.
We were still struggling with other issues with extreme fussiness and difficulties sleeping. I started noticing that my baby would come off my nipple coughing and milk would squirt everywhere. I was engorged all the time, never seemed to get empty, and I was having tingly let downs every ten minutes. My baby was 2 months old at this point and since she was my first, I had thought all this time that I was supposed to feel that way. My lactation consultant told me that I had an overactive letdown and was making way too much milk. She taught me how to train my body to slow down my milk production and decrease my let downs. After a few weeks, things settled down and I was making an appropriate amount of milk. We thought fixing these issues would improve my baby's fussiness so we sat around and waited for her to get better. After a couple of weeks, she was still fussing, possibly worse than before.
Our doctor brought up the possibility of a dairy allergy and she suggested eliminating it from my diet for two weeks. I tried it and saw no results. We then saw a GI specialist who told me that often times, when a child has a dairy allergy, they also have a soy allergy. So I did 2 weeks without both of those and she got worse! At this time, we decided to see an allergist. I thought about the changes that I had made to my diet and realized that I was eating a lot more eggs and nuts while avoiding the dairy and soy in order to make up for what I couldn't eat. I wondered if she might be allergic to one of those instead. We had her tested for all the most common allergies and sure enough, found out that she was allergic to dairy, eggs and nuts. My diet was limited by these allergies to pretty much nothing that I was used to eating. I couldn't go out to dinner, eat fast food or even eat much at friend's parties or get togethers. It was a HUGE lifestyle change for me and a constant struggle. Many moms would have given up on breastfeeding at this time but I felt in my heart that this was the right thing for my daughter and I needed to do this for her. So I did. I just kept going, taking it a day at a time.
When Joanna was 5 1/2 months old, we had planned to take a trip to Cabo with some friends and leave her at home with my parents. I had planned to pump every time she would be eating. But as you can imagine, I got quite distracted by the vacation fun and instead of pumping every 3 hours, I would often stretch it out to every 5 or 6 hours. And I wasn't waking up at night to pump. When I got home my supply was extremely limited. I knew and understood the concept of supply and demand though and I knew that I needed to trust that and trust my body. I was not going to give up at this point, after everything we had been through. So I did not offer formula. I pretty much kept Joanna on my chest for a week straight. We had lots of skin to skin time and very long, frequent nursing sessions. Sure enough, my supply worked its way back up and things were back to normal within a month.
Once I got my supply back up, it was smooth sailing for a few months. Then I got pregnant. Now I thought my nipples were sore when I started breastfeeding. But oh my goodness were they REALLY sore when I was nursing while pregnant. The latch was the most painful part, but there were times that it would hurt the entire nursing session. And when I say hurt, I don't just mean it was sore. It was excruciating. It felt like someone was cutting off my nipples with a razor blade. Joanna also went through a phase during this time where she would only nap (and sometimes even sleep at night) while nursing and if I unlatched her or even moved her the slightest bit, she would wake up. At this point, I actually wanted to wean her. I even tried a few times. But in my heart, I knew that I wanted her to self wean. I knew that she was mostly nursing for comfort and that she really needed that to help her get through the day. I wasn't going to take that away from her, no matter how much it hurt me. So I bit the bullet and stuck it out.
After a couple months she grew out of the needing to nurse while napping and actually started to self wean a bit! She was taking more of an interest in eating solids and also would get easily distracted by play and completely forget about nursing. I just followed her lead and within a couple weeks, she had decreased her feedings from 10-12 in a 24 hour period to 4-6. This was huge, especially for my nipples! Around 13 or 14 months, she had self weaned to 3 feedings a day. I was so happy that this had been a positive transition for her that she had complete control over. Then we encountered a big problem. I was 26 weeks along in my pregnancy and I was starting to have contractions. Not just braxton hicks contractions (I had been having those with nursing all along) but real contractions. I saw 3 different doctors who all strongly advised that I needed to stop nursing. At this point, I realized that I now had another child who's needs were more important at the time than Joanna's need to continue breastfeeding and self wean. So over a week's time, we went from 3 times a day to being completely weaned. It was a tough week for Joanna but I knew it was in her baby sister's best interest so I was confident in my decision.
Now that Joanna is completely weaned, she is much closer to sleeping through the night and less emotionally attached to me. I can now leave her with my mom or other family members to run errands, go to a doctor appointment or just have some "me" time. But we have also had negative changes take place. As soon as Joanna was fully weaned, she got her first cold (at 15 months!) that lasted weeks and eventually turned into an ear infection that was quite difficult to treat. I am definitely a believer in the antibodies that babies get from their mother's milk to help fight off sickness after experiencing that!
Seeing so many positive changes in Joanna since weaning, many of my family members have asked if I will still breastfeed my next child. My answer is definitely. Although I had a year of sleepless nights, an incredibly limited diet and faced so many ups and downs with breastfeeding, it was all 100% worth it to me. Looking back on our experience, I know that Joanna benefited in so many ways which makes all my sacrifices worth it. It's kind of like childbirth. When you are in labor and pushing, the pain is unbearable. You finish pushing that baby out and say you will never do it again and how could anyone ever forget that pain. Well, sure enough, many of us do it again and most of us do forget that pain because we have a beautiful child to show for it. So yes, that first year of breastfeeding was a huge challenge that made me want to pull my hair out and scream and cry many times. But now that I have made it through and look back on it, I would do it again in a heartbeat because it was all worth it in the end.
When Joanna was 5 1/2 months old, we had planned to take a trip to Cabo with some friends and leave her at home with my parents. I had planned to pump every time she would be eating. But as you can imagine, I got quite distracted by the vacation fun and instead of pumping every 3 hours, I would often stretch it out to every 5 or 6 hours. And I wasn't waking up at night to pump. When I got home my supply was extremely limited. I knew and understood the concept of supply and demand though and I knew that I needed to trust that and trust my body. I was not going to give up at this point, after everything we had been through. So I did not offer formula. I pretty much kept Joanna on my chest for a week straight. We had lots of skin to skin time and very long, frequent nursing sessions. Sure enough, my supply worked its way back up and things were back to normal within a month.
Once I got my supply back up, it was smooth sailing for a few months. Then I got pregnant. Now I thought my nipples were sore when I started breastfeeding. But oh my goodness were they REALLY sore when I was nursing while pregnant. The latch was the most painful part, but there were times that it would hurt the entire nursing session. And when I say hurt, I don't just mean it was sore. It was excruciating. It felt like someone was cutting off my nipples with a razor blade. Joanna also went through a phase during this time where she would only nap (and sometimes even sleep at night) while nursing and if I unlatched her or even moved her the slightest bit, she would wake up. At this point, I actually wanted to wean her. I even tried a few times. But in my heart, I knew that I wanted her to self wean. I knew that she was mostly nursing for comfort and that she really needed that to help her get through the day. I wasn't going to take that away from her, no matter how much it hurt me. So I bit the bullet and stuck it out.
After a couple months she grew out of the needing to nurse while napping and actually started to self wean a bit! She was taking more of an interest in eating solids and also would get easily distracted by play and completely forget about nursing. I just followed her lead and within a couple weeks, she had decreased her feedings from 10-12 in a 24 hour period to 4-6. This was huge, especially for my nipples! Around 13 or 14 months, she had self weaned to 3 feedings a day. I was so happy that this had been a positive transition for her that she had complete control over. Then we encountered a big problem. I was 26 weeks along in my pregnancy and I was starting to have contractions. Not just braxton hicks contractions (I had been having those with nursing all along) but real contractions. I saw 3 different doctors who all strongly advised that I needed to stop nursing. At this point, I realized that I now had another child who's needs were more important at the time than Joanna's need to continue breastfeeding and self wean. So over a week's time, we went from 3 times a day to being completely weaned. It was a tough week for Joanna but I knew it was in her baby sister's best interest so I was confident in my decision.
Now that Joanna is completely weaned, she is much closer to sleeping through the night and less emotionally attached to me. I can now leave her with my mom or other family members to run errands, go to a doctor appointment or just have some "me" time. But we have also had negative changes take place. As soon as Joanna was fully weaned, she got her first cold (at 15 months!) that lasted weeks and eventually turned into an ear infection that was quite difficult to treat. I am definitely a believer in the antibodies that babies get from their mother's milk to help fight off sickness after experiencing that!
Seeing so many positive changes in Joanna since weaning, many of my family members have asked if I will still breastfeed my next child. My answer is definitely. Although I had a year of sleepless nights, an incredibly limited diet and faced so many ups and downs with breastfeeding, it was all 100% worth it to me. Looking back on our experience, I know that Joanna benefited in so many ways which makes all my sacrifices worth it. It's kind of like childbirth. When you are in labor and pushing, the pain is unbearable. You finish pushing that baby out and say you will never do it again and how could anyone ever forget that pain. Well, sure enough, many of us do it again and most of us do forget that pain because we have a beautiful child to show for it. So yes, that first year of breastfeeding was a huge challenge that made me want to pull my hair out and scream and cry many times. But now that I have made it through and look back on it, I would do it again in a heartbeat because it was all worth it in the end.
