Prior to entering parenthood, I really thought I had it all figured out. I had a plan and I was sure I would stick to it. My plan had an extensive list of nevers.
- I will never hold my baby for naps
- I will never tip toe around the house in fear of waking the baby, she has to learn to sleep through the noise
- I will absolutely never co-sleep
- I will never expose my child to television or iPad until age three (at which time it would be limited and monitored).
- Schedule, schedule, schedule - we're sticking to it! (ok, that one wasn't exactly a never)
The list went on and on.
Joanna arrived in our lives in February of 2013 and the first couple weeks were a breeze! We were blessed with a beautiful baby who could sleep through anything! We actually had to wake her up for feedings or she would try to sleep all night. After about 2 weeks, reality hit, and it hit hard. All of the sudden, we had a baby who didn't sleep and cried pretty much all the time. Things went from bad to worse. There were several times that I remember thinking things were so bad, it couldn't possibly get any worse. And then it did. Week after week I dealt with constant screaming and crying and an average of 2 hours of sleep each night.
My whole parenting plan had been aborted I had done just about everything on the list of things I said I would never do, and then some. It seemed like there was no future in sight. My life became only about surviving the day. We would figure out tomorrow when tomorrow comes. This was my new reality as a mom, my Mommy-ality.
I made my struggles with Joanna quite public through my Facebook and Twitter posts so I set myself up for a lot of free advice. I heard from everyone and their mom (and their mom's mom, and their mom's mom's sister's best friend...etc) on what I should do to get Joanna to sleep better or to eat better or just to be happier in general. I can't even tell you how many people told me the secret to getting Joanna to be a normal baby was to swaddle her, have her sleep upright, have a bedtime routine, don't make eye contact during nighttime feedings, all the things I was already doing. I also got a lot of "you're using the wrong pacifier," "this is the best bottle," "you need to use formula," and my personal favorite: "just let her cry it out!"
With all these suggestions coming from so many different directions, often contradicting other suggestions I had received or my own personal beliefs, I learned that I just had to take all the advice with a grain of salt. Hear it, think about it and either apply it or throw it away.
So many people seem to think that their way to do things is the right way or the only way. Guess what, its not. Really, there is no right way. My baby is a completely different baby from yours so it is silly to assume that what worked for me will work for you. Jason has told me over and over again it is all about trial and error with babies. Every parent needs to figure out what works best for their individual child and their family.
Joanna arrived in our lives in February of 2013 and the first couple weeks were a breeze! We were blessed with a beautiful baby who could sleep through anything! We actually had to wake her up for feedings or she would try to sleep all night. After about 2 weeks, reality hit, and it hit hard. All of the sudden, we had a baby who didn't sleep and cried pretty much all the time. Things went from bad to worse. There were several times that I remember thinking things were so bad, it couldn't possibly get any worse. And then it did. Week after week I dealt with constant screaming and crying and an average of 2 hours of sleep each night.
My whole parenting plan had been aborted I had done just about everything on the list of things I said I would never do, and then some. It seemed like there was no future in sight. My life became only about surviving the day. We would figure out tomorrow when tomorrow comes. This was my new reality as a mom, my Mommy-ality.
I made my struggles with Joanna quite public through my Facebook and Twitter posts so I set myself up for a lot of free advice. I heard from everyone and their mom (and their mom's mom, and their mom's mom's sister's best friend...etc) on what I should do to get Joanna to sleep better or to eat better or just to be happier in general. I can't even tell you how many people told me the secret to getting Joanna to be a normal baby was to swaddle her, have her sleep upright, have a bedtime routine, don't make eye contact during nighttime feedings, all the things I was already doing. I also got a lot of "you're using the wrong pacifier," "this is the best bottle," "you need to use formula," and my personal favorite: "just let her cry it out!"
With all these suggestions coming from so many different directions, often contradicting other suggestions I had received or my own personal beliefs, I learned that I just had to take all the advice with a grain of salt. Hear it, think about it and either apply it or throw it away.
So many people seem to think that their way to do things is the right way or the only way. Guess what, its not. Really, there is no right way. My baby is a completely different baby from yours so it is silly to assume that what worked for me will work for you. Jason has told me over and over again it is all about trial and error with babies. Every parent needs to figure out what works best for their individual child and their family.
So here it is. My one and only piece of advice for new moms: don't get hung up on following advice.
I know, that sounds pretty hypocritical, my advice is don't listen to advice, but hear me out. Instead of hearing from someone else the way you should do things and dropping everything to do it their way, take it all in with a grain of salt. Take their ideas (many of them will be really great ideas!), think about how they fit into your lifestyle and your baby's temperament, and follow your gut. You know your baby better than anyone else in the world and believe it or not, you know what will work for them. You just need to realize that you know it and trust yourself.
I know, that sounds pretty hypocritical, my advice is don't listen to advice, but hear me out. Instead of hearing from someone else the way you should do things and dropping everything to do it their way, take it all in with a grain of salt. Take their ideas (many of them will be really great ideas!), think about how they fit into your lifestyle and your baby's temperament, and follow your gut. You know your baby better than anyone else in the world and believe it or not, you know what will work for them. You just need to realize that you know it and trust yourself.
So this blog will not offer you any advice. None. But I will give you lots of ideas. Ideas that have helped me get through a very challenging 4 months with a very challenging baby. Some will be helpful to you and some will backfire in your face. Just use your gut and get inspired! Only you can help yourself to be the best mom that you can be!
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